


The One Thing You Care About

by JuliaChap_1210



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: AngstInnit, December 2nd, Hurt/Comfort, IDK WHAT TO PUT, It’s just a bit it’s just a bit it’s just a bit, I’m to soft, No shipping ya nasties, Panic Attacks, President Tubbo, These boys make me cry, Why tf am I crying over block men, hurtful words, no beta we die like men, sad Tommy, what has my life come to?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:34:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27840832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuliaChap_1210/pseuds/JuliaChap_1210
Summary: Basically shit goes down and Tubbo says some things he’ll regret when he exiles Tommy, and Tommy takes it a bit too much to heart and has a panic attack because he convinces himself his friends don’t like him.
Relationships: Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF) & Everyone
Comments: 9
Kudos: 194





	1. Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Setup Dialogue,
> 
> Tommy is exiled

Tommy POV

“You know this is funny actually, I’m sorry Tommy, I’m sorry actually. Dream, I’ve come to the decision, that will be best for the nation, the most logical thing to do: For Tommy to be exiled from L’manberg” 

“What?” 

“What?!” 

“Teaming with Technoblade is an awful idea! It’s an awful idea!” 

“We just had this conversation!” 

“No, no! Okay, it’s awful!” 

“What are you doing Tubbo?!” 

“Tubbo!” 

“War is not the best for this nation!” 

“Tubbo?” 

“Nothing involving any kind of conflict is the best for this nation Okay? You guys are thinking emotionally, irrationally, you need to think logically! There’s more than just us four that live here, okay? War is going to bring destruction, terror, okay? A new regime that we don't want to enforce upon our citizens!” 

“Wha-” “Tubbo!” 

“Tubbo! We agreed on this! We had a goddam conversation about this, what are you doing? What are you doing? And you didn’t even bother to tell us beforehand?” 

“Tubbo!” 

“Hey everyone! That’s enough! That’s enough okay! Be quiet! You've undermined my authority from the get go, okay, all of you! No one here has respected me! You all jump on these merry little bandwagons of destruction and it’s not okay! It’s not- you’ve just *sigh* you’ve definitely do not have the best interests of this nation at heart, and you have made that more apparent than ever before today!” 

“You agreed with us! You agreed that this was- why would you- why would you go back on the plan now? What the hell?” 

“When I was sworn in as president, I made a promise, to do what’s best for the nation, and right now Tommy, you, your presence here, is not the best for the nation.” 

“Wh-” 

”What?” 

”Tubbo! Tubbo no!” 

“Tubbo, what are you doing man? What are you doing?” 

“Why? Why?!” 

“All of this is based around the music discs, we can’t sacrifice everything for the music discs!” 

“But Tubbo, it’s always been, since the beginning, it’s always been about getting the discs back! What about the discs?” 

“They’re just music discs! They souldn’t be able to dictate the future of an entire nation!” 

“Tubbo, you know what this looks like? We agreed on something and then you just went and changed it last minute for your own benefit. You know what this looks like Tubbo?” 

“What does it look like Fundy?” 

“You’re acting like Schlatt.” 

“He’s right Tubbo, that’s exactly what Schlatt would do. Take it from me, I was his right hand man, his vice president for the longest time, that’s the exact shit he would pull Tubbo.” 

“This is what Dream wants! Why- why would you- wha- why?! Tubbo?” 

“It’s not the way, it’s not the right way!” 

“Wha- how is this the right way?” 

“Explain how this is the right way?” 

“How are the discs wrong? Tubbo can’t you see?” 

“The discs don’t matter Tommy!” Tubbo snapped, making Tommy jump at the sudden change in volume and aggression. “How can you not see that? They don’t matter!” 

Tommy couldn’t believe what he was hearing, was this the same Tubbo that had asked him to run away from L’manberg with the disks all those weeks ago? “Wha- what? Why? If they don’t matter Tubbo, if- if you have no attachment to things, if you don’t- if nothing matters, then why does this- why does any of this matter at all?” 

“Dream, please detain and escort Tommy out of my country.” 

Tommy’s heart stuttered, how could Tubbo do this?

“Are you- what?” 

“Tommy-”

“Tubbo! Tubbo, I didn’t-”

Dream’s character pulled out a sword and knocked Tommy off of the wall, he took quite a bit of damage from the hit and the fall. He looked up at the wall to see Tubbo’s character looking down at him.

“Go.” 

“Tommy you are hereby exiled.” 

“Wha- Tubbo!” 

“Are you insane- are you kidding me? Tubbo!” 

“Is this happening?” 

“T-Tubbo! Tubbo?” 

“This is how it has to be. You’re a liability, you have to leave now.” 

“But- but you’re my friend!” 

“Goodbye Tommy.”

* * * * * * * * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed <3


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy starts to panic, not knowing what to do, he turns to Phil for help.
> 
> TW: Panic Attack, Self Deprecating Thoughts, Not Being Able to Breathe;

(Tommy POV)

By the time Dream had left him on that distant island, robbed him of his items, and left him there in that small dirt shack alone, Tommy was barely holding it together. 

Tubbo’s harsh words still rang in his ears, making it nearly impossible to think. 

He thought back to what Tubbo had said on Wednesday:

“You had one job! You couldn't do one thing for me! You couldn’t do one! Just one thing and it was for your own good! So, you know what, if the roles were reversed as you said, yeah, yeah you probably wouldn't have exiled me because I would've actually listened to you and done what you said! And maybe had a couple ounces of respect! You’ve messed this up for no one but yourself! Selfish.”

Tommy had fought back, 

“That’s so- how- how can you not see that the only thing he wants is the one thing I care about.”

Tubbo was silent, before sighing, quietly murmuring,

“Really, the one thing you care about?”

That rush of thoughts was Tommy’s breaking point. All his pinned up emotions flooded over him and all he could do was do his best to keep up his mask of calm and try not to break down before he ended the stream. 

Tommy’s heart dropped into his stomach, his heart pounding heavily in his ears. He could feel his hands start to tremble slightly, but Tommy forced them into stillness, knowing that the camera was still on and a few things needed to be taken care of first.

Tommy pushed down the tears that were starting to well up in his eyes, he didn’t know how much longer he could keep up this charade.

Tommy quickly logged out of the SMP and left VC2 before anyone could join to ask any questions. The chat immediately reacted, asking what had happened.

“Hey chat, s-sorry I have to cut this s-stream short, b-but my Mum has been c-calling me and I have to g-go! Erm… bye!” Tommy said quickly, shakily ending the livestream, the camera quickly shutting off. 

Tommy immediately let his facade fall. He got out of his chair, slumping onto the floor with his back against his bed, pulling his knees to his chest. The tears he’d been holding back finally falling in earnest, his breaths coming quicker and quicker, his heart pounding louder in his ears. 

A small ping on his phone seemed to slightly pull him from the chaos, Tommy checked to see who it was. 

It was a message from Tubbo.

That brought another painful pang in Tommy’s chest, and he’d suddenly forgotten about the message from Tubbo as the voices echoed in his brain:  
“You’ve messed this up for no one but yourself. Selfish.”

“No, no!” Tommy cried, choking on sobs, struggling to breathe, “T-Tubbo please! I’m s-s-sorry! Please n-no!” 

The pounding of his heart grew louder in his ears, along with the whispers of the voices of his friends:

“Useless”  
“Loud”  
“Annoying”  
“A Liability”  
“Reckless”  
“Selfish”...

No wonder all his friends hated him, he’d hate him too. It would only be a matter of time before they all left, leaving him behind alone. 

That thought brought a new wave of sobs, even worse than before, Tommy struggled to breathe, choking and coughing with every shallow breath, tears clouding his vision, making it feel like the room was spinning. 

Tommy reached out to find something to grab onto to ground himself, instead of a hard surface like his bed frame, his hand found something soft. It was a plushee, a soft minecraft cow Tubbo had bought for him for Christmas as a joke, he acted like it didn’t matter that much, but secretly, Henry meant the world to Tommy.This brought on a second wave of shaking sobs, and Tommy hugged Henry tightly. 

What would he do when Tubbo left him alone?

He told Tubbo everything, his troubles, his triumphs, his dreams, his nightmares, his struggles at school with making new friends, his stress about the channel and the viewers, his anxiety, his panic attacks, Tubbo had been there through all of it, and Tommy had thrown it all away and he couldn’t blame anyone but himself.

Selfish. Tubbo was right, he was an awful friend. 

He deserved to be left alone.

Suddenly, a ringing noise came from his computer up on his desk, startling Tommy. Still shaking, Tommy got up from the floor, taking Henry with him to sit at his desk. Tommy looked over at his phone, which had a large number of new messages, and suddenly a pang of anxiety shot through him.  
Why would he have so many new messages? Did they all hate him? Is that what it was? Were those messages about how bad of a friend he was…

All he cared about was his discs…  
He had one job…  
Selfish…

Selfish. Selfish. Selfish. That one awful word echoed in his head over and over and over.

Tommy had been trying to calm down, but things just kept getting worse, everytime he tried to take deep breaths he couldn't even think for long enough to concentrate. His shoulders shook as heavy sobs racked through his body.

Tommy needed help, he needed a friend, if that friend would have him back.

Tommy looked up at his computer screen through his tears, he could barely make out a blurry PH1LZA icon still blinking and ringing at him, indicating that Phil had been on the line, waiting, Tommy could only hope that he hadn’t annoyed Phil for keeping him on the line without an answer for who knows how long, because that would only make things worse. Everyone already thought he was loud, annoying, and selfish anyway, and Tommy couldn’t even prove them wrong. 

Another sob came over Tommy, making him shake like a leaf, but he accepted the call, deciding he’d made Phil wait for long enough. As soon as the call connected he could hear Phil’s gentle voice,

“Tommy? I was watching your stream and I saw what happened. Tubbo also called me after you ended so abruptly and said you weren’t answering. Are you alr-.”

“Ph-phil?”

“Yes Tommy?” Phil asked softly, noticing the chance in the younger boy’s tone and breathing, “Hey, it’s okay, I’m here. I’m right here with you, you’re alright”

“Ph-phil I-I *sob* I c-can’t breathe! I can’t- *sob* I can’t- *sob* I can’t- *sob* I can’t b- *sob* b-breathe! I-.”

“Hey, hey hey shhhhhhhhh shh shh shh, it’s alright, you’re okay Tommy.” Phil’s soft voice soothed, almost like he was right there in real life. “Tommy, can you hear me?”

“*sob* Y-yeah?”

“I need you to try and match your breathing to mine okay? Take your time… go at it slowly… in… then out… in… then let it back out.”

Tommy steadily felt his breathing slow, his heavy sobs lessening to small sniffles, matching Phil’s breathing almost exactly, however the shaking and slow tears didn’t fully subside, so he hugged Henry tightly in his arms.

“Okay Tommy? Now I want you to try to name 5 things you can see, okay?”

“*sniff* O-okay… my bed, m-my monitor, my window, my d-desk, and my keyboard.” 

“Very good, there you go Tommy, nice and easy, keep breathing with me, in… and out, in… and out. Okay, Tommy?”

“Y-yeah?”

“Now I want you to name 4 things you can touch, alright?”

“Okay, I-I can feel the edge of m-my desk, I can touch my mouse, I c-can touch my shirt, a-and I can pet Henry.”

Phil made a noise that sounded like a mix between a sigh and a chuckle, it was obvious he remembered the stuffed cow plush Tubbo had given Tommy for Christmas. The thought that Tommy still loved and cherished the gift warmed his heart.

“There you go Tommy, just keep on taking it slow, in… and out. Do you think you could tell me 3 things you can hear Tommy?”

“Erm… y-you, me, and my computer fan.”

“That’s it Tommy, we’re nearly there, just keep breathing, keep it slow. Now name 2 things you can smell, alright?”

Tommy leaned down, burying his face in Henry’s soft fur, knowing his mother had just washed him this morning, the soft cow still smelling like the lavender detergent his mother uses.

“I can smell lavender and freshly clean and warm laundry.”

Phil smiled, noticing Tommy had stopped stuttering and breathing more evenly, it was working.

“Alright Tommy, nice and easy, last one, name one thing you can taste.”

“Salt” Tommy muttered quietly, absently thinking that the taste must be from the frequent tears.  
Phil sighed, “You alright Tommy? You scared me for a minute there, I never knew you got panic attacks.”

“Only Tubbo knows, and I guess now you know too.” Tommy shrugged, still touchy on the subject of his best friend.

“Well, I’m glad that you feel safe around me enough to trust me to help you through your hardest feelings and emotions. It really warms my heart to know that you trust me, but, if you’re comfortable saying, what was the trigger? Just so we can avoid this in the future. You absolutely do not have to tell me if it makes you uncomfortable, and I’d never want to pressure you to do something you didn’t want to do, but I’m here for you and I’m listening wholeheartedly if you need me.” 

Tommy sighed, letting out another deep breath, hugging Henry tightly before speaking: “Look Phil, I know everything we do on the SMP is a bit, hell, I even helped write the script. I knew it was coming, and I know it’s all supposed to be acting, but…” 

Tommy took another deep but shaky breath, shedding a few smaller tears, “Do Tubbo and Dream hate me?” 

On the other end of the call, Phil made a noise that almost sounded like a choke or cough.

“W-what?! Tommy! Of course not! Tommy-”

“Look, I know it’s stupid! I know I shouldn’t even be thinking that because it’s all just a bit, but-” 

“Tommy, wait-”

“But it’s just-... I-I was bullied back in grade school… the kids used to shout at me, make fun of me, just make my life miserable in general. A-and I know he didn’t mean it, but when Tubbo shouted at me-” 

“Oh Tommy-”

“ It-it just brought everything back and I panicked and it made m-me think things that I know aren't true, and I-” Tommy sniffed, brushing away a few tears that had fallen onto his cheeks, “I just c-can’t lose them like I l-lost my other friends. T-Tubbo means the world to me, and if h-he were to stop talking to me, if I lost m-my Tubbo, I don’t know what I’d do with myself.” Tommy sniffled again, hugging Henry tightly, trying to push all the thoughts away again.

“Hey, hey Tommy it’s okay, just let it out.” Phil sighed, wishing he could be there for the poor boy in person and give him a giant hug, squeezing his “son” until all his worries disappeared.

Tommy began to softly cry again, deciding not to push away the tears for once. He laughed to himself quietly, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I thought I’d calmed down, I even know that all those silly bits aren’t even real and I still have my best friend, and yet I’m still sitting here crying like a child, just pathetic.”

“Tommy stop it. I won’t let you be so tough on yourself all the time. Your feelings and emotions are valid and they need to be addressed! Don’t you know how unhealthy it is to bottle up your feelings like that? It doesn't make you any less of a man if you cry and let your feelings out in a healthy way. If anything, it makes you braver than ever because you shared what triggered your panic attack. Do you have any idea how much courage that takes Tommy? So, so much, and you Tommy, are the bravest kid I know. You’ve got so much passion and heart, and you’ve got more courage in your little pinkie than most of us do in our entire bodies. I’d throw myself into a pit of baby zombies before letting you say things like that about yourself Tommy.”

Tommy sniffled and smiled, wiping his slowing tears away, gently squeezing Henry to his chest like he was hugging Phil. 

“Th-thank you Phil, I think I really needed to hear that.”

“And you want to know something Tommy?”

“W-what?”

“You. Are. Loved. You are so, so very loved. Your parents love you, your friends love you, everyone on the SMP loves you, your fans love you, Dream loves you, Techno and Wilbur love you, Tubbo loves you, I love you. I love you Tommy, you work so hard and push yourself so far, you deserve the world Tommy. We all love you so much Tommy, our world would be so much dimmer and quieter without your bright sun. We’ll always be there for you Tommy, no matter what, on your happiest days and your saddest days. We love you so so so much Tommy, and I think I speak for everyone when I say that we don’t know what we’d ever do without you Tommy.”

Tommy’s eyes filled with tears for what seemed like the hundredth time today, but for new reasons. He’d never heard someone speak about him so lovingly and passionately before. He couldn’t even think of what to say he was so overwhelmed with love and support from Phil.

“Th-thank you Phil, that really means a lot a-and I think I really needed a good reminder of that after today.” Tommy smiled, wiping away his tears.

“Any time Tommy! I’m always here for you, we all are! Remember that!”

“Thank you again Phil-” Tommy yawned suddenly, realizing just how mentally drained and exhausted he was. 

“So are you going to stay on? Or talk to anyone else?” Phil asked, yawning himself, “I’m sure a few of the others are worried about what happened, especially Tubbo. Also, I think that you should tell the others about the trigger if you’re up to it. You definitely don’t have to tell them the full story if you aren’t comfortable, I just want some of the louder ones to be a little more aware just so this doesn’t happen again.”

“Ummm, I think I’m gonna go to bed soon, I just realized how awfully tired you can get after crying for quite a bit.” Tommy sighed, yawning again.

“Well then you should definitely go get some rest. Do you want me to tell the others-”

“Please, I mean, just about the shouting bit, I can explain the rest of it when I’m feeling better, and I want to talk to everyone about how I was feeling, just… not right now.”

“I get that. You go get to bed and get a good sleep. You can sort out all of this tomorrow, and I’ll be right there by your side when you do.”

“Thank you again Phil, for everything, I can’t thank you enough for being here for me.”

Phil only sighed, chuckling softly, “You never have to thank me for that Tommy, that’s just what friends are for.”, and Tommy smiled, hugging Henry like he was trying to send a hug all the way to Phil. “Remember we love you Tommy! Get a good night's sleep, and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“I love you too, goodnight.” 

Tommy smiled, ending the call. He yawned again, stretching out his sore limbs. He grabbed his phone to plug it in for the night, when he saw that he probably had over a hundred missed messages and missed calls on his phone, half of which, it looked like, were from Tubbo. Tommy felt guilty for leaving them all hanging, but he took Phil’s advice and cut himself some slack.

He typed out a message and copied and pasted it to everyone who had texted or tried to call him:

Hey, thanks for the concern, I’m just feeling really tired right now, I promise we’ll talk tomorrow and I’ll explain everything.

He added an extra message onto Tubbo’s message, knowing the boy would launch into a billion questions with a response so vague.

Please don’t worry, you didn’t do anything wrong, I promise. I’ll explain everything to you all tomorrow, I’m just feeling rather drained right now. I talked to Phil and it helped, but I think I’m just gonna head to bed.

Before Tommy could put his phone down to plug it in, it buzzed. Tommy chuckled lightly, seeing that Tubbo had responded to his text almost immediately.

Okay! I hope you feel better! And even though you say I didn’t do anything wrong, I’m still sorry anyway! Goodnight Tommy! Sleep well!

Goodnight Tubster, I’ll talk to you in the morning!

Tommy smiled to himself as he plugged his phone in. Phil was right, he had so many people that cared about him, so many friends that would be there for him through the good and the bad. 

Tommy grabbed Henry from his chair, turning off his computer so that the only light in his room was the small lamp on his bedside table. He switched that off next, pulling Henry close and snuggling under the covers, falling asleep content and peaceful for the first time in weeks.

* * * * * * * * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! <3
> 
> Leave Kudos, Comments, and Subscribe if you did!  
> (haha, I’ve always wanted to say that)
> 
> **ALSO: Would y’all be interested in an extra bonus chapter where Tubbo and Dream call Tommy to apologize? (Super fluffy, I promise!) Let me know!


End file.
